He had all the gravitas of a 40 year old doctor (as his father is or was) as he considered my replies with a very direct gaze, and thought about what I had said. He never once smiled as we talked. I actually found myself a little intimidated by him at the same time I was enjoying observing his demeanor. 

This conversation went on as I was leaving a house where I was repairing blinds and needing more tools from outside, and one of the 3 1/2 year old twins queried me about what I was doing and which vehicle outside was mine.  

When I saw his twin brother I noticed he was more of a little irish redhead with a quick smile and more spontaneous way of being. 

Later I found out that his dad had had a stroke within the year and is no longer employed as a doctor and may never be again. So very sad. 


There are both pluses and minuses to working on 

being aware and involved with people. The beauty and charm of glimpses of maturity in a child and the painful and premature ending of an adult's life as they knew it.

As I have thought about this experience of mine, another conversation made me think of what we know of God.  I think what we know of God is what Jesus did with others.  He empathized.  He listened.  He was intuitive.  He used annoyingly unclear and open ended parables about how people relate to each other and God.

I have to think that when he was with someone he was searching deep within.  What is the joy in there?  What is the pain in there?  What made this person the person they are today?

Why do I think about this?  Well, because I feel like a large part of my life was lived somewhat in a narcissistic fog of internal pain.  That got old and I deconstructed my life and fortunately got to put it back together in a much better way.  For me what I really have wanted in this reconstruction is to in a sense come up to speed in terms of my ability to be empathetic and intuitive about others and to do so within the ever pervasive presence of God.  

I believe the deepest and richest way to live life is in connection with others in that context of God's presence.

They gain and I gain.  A relational win/win.  

"My concern for clergy is that they’re caught in a trap like the Emperor’s new clothes. Behind closed doors, clergy doubt much of what they believe. Is God there? Is the Bible accurate? We all have doubts. But, when most clergy step up into the pulpit, none of that is expressed.
The truth is that most people who come to church have lots of doubts themselves, but they cannot express their doubts, either, because the church has become this place where everyone is expected to be a stalwart of Christianity.
The congregation finds itself caught in this game in which everyone is trying to hide from each other. The church can become like this crack house, where everyone wanders in to escape their suffering for an hour with their weekly hit from the church."
Peter Rollins

Sadly there is very little acknowledgement in church that doubt is the very lifeblood of relationship with a mysterious and inexplicable God.  Taming him into belief systems that *I* hold onto, diminishes him into some kind of behind the curtain Wizard of Oz that I bring out on demand.  

Faith inherently requires an uncertainty.  and God knows with God there is enough of that to go around if we're not playing pretend.

 "Safe?" said Mr. Beaver [...] "Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you." C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.  

It's beyond a crying shame that elaborate houses of cards have been constructed and held onto like the very breath of life thus teaching everyone to live in inauthenticity where maintenance of the facade becomes the "lifeblood" rather than the messy and satisfying work of relationship.