High School was miserable for me. ADD and belonging to an obscure religious group and living out in the country in what could be considered a commune of sorts set me up for all sorts of weirdness.
I always felt that I was a geek or outside bouncing around everyone else's world. I had for religious reasons very little social interactions with classmates so I seemed to have very little in common with them.
One thing I was very clear about. I didn't want anyone to notice my ears (which are not all that pronounced) but I noticed how someone else received the name "Ears (Last name) and I was petrified that that would happen to me.
So with all of this trying to be invisible I'm sure that I created some of the awkward relationship dynamics that existed. Classmate now tell me that they just thought I was shy. I was certain that they would have used the word "weird". I haven't checked with Gordy Temple about that. He I'm sure, would honor my request for honesty! He and Bill Briggs were just a much fun to be around as they were in HS.
So, the reunion was fun because I had fun meeting everyone and hanging out. I actually miss being closer to them. And now it's interesting to me that I so could wait to get out of High School and move on.
What I didn't expect was driving by some depressing place along the road on the way and having a groundswell of emotion from the past. Self-loathing, disgust, embarrassment, shame, you name it it because fully present to me. All the mistakes I made, jobs that I didn't finish, High School projects I barely finished or got a zero on all the negative came up and smacked me like a dead fish.
I was able to notice it and move on by it but wow, was it not fun to be reminded of what I lived in emotionally for so many years.
No wonder at some point when my wife started to recover from her emotional issues and she wanted me to be "present and available" I was confused and scared"
I was used to hiding out and had no idea what the heck she meant when she said "present and available." I'm sure I must have looked blankly at her and said that I'm right here!
So here I am 58 years old, feeling ageless really and enjoying the process of living life in the moment, present and available for myself and others.
